I watch the traffic rushing by my side
As I walk, I feel the wind surround me
Trying to sweep me off of my two feet
I stand planted, as steady as can be
Roaring car engines, racing to nowhere
Screeching tires like a cymbal crashing
Honking horns bring melody to the streets
Diverse sounds, blended together as one
Why do people seem to be in a rush?
Fearing realization of standing still
Racing against the never-ending clock
Conforming to society’s timeline
Now, take the time for a much needed breath
Stop for a moment, let the day sink in
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8 comments:
hey i thought the change u made was good by putting in two feet instead of light feet. the poem is really fast, which is good, since thats what ur talking about. for ur paper. jus a suggestion but you might want to get deeper into it. like what things mean or symbolise. But great job on the poem
yay, your blog's not blocked now!
I really like your poem. most people's rhyme, but your words are good enough so that it dosn't have to rhyme to sound good. your poem kinda makes me dizzy, and in this case, its a good thing.
maybe you could make the first quatrain more of a transision into the final lines.
I think the horns line would work better if you said
Honking of horns bring a song to the streets.
thats just my opinion.
great poem, really projects your feelings well.
good poem over all.
I like how you describe all the sounds and then say that it blends together as 1. I really like you last two lines. It sums up yoiur thought very well and it is clear what you point is in the poem. The direction of your poem is really easy to follow.
I really like the way you compare other sounds like cymbals to traffic and how that relates to life. The ending of your poem is great. I also like how you went from busy traffic to taking time to relax through out the poem.
Nice sonnet, I think the one part where you use the word "melody" kind of clashes with the rest of your poem because it's sort of mellow, while the rest of your poem has a fast pace. but otherwise, good job!
I really liked how in your sonnet, you used awesome vocabulary to describe everything so that the reader could picture what was happening in their head. It really sounds busy, like (i hope) you wanted it to sound
good job!
sup polish! how come ur poem doesnt rhyme? well i know this type of poem and it's pretty good! i like how it makes things very tangible and easy to see. i feel pretty calm when i read this poem! nutz. 8:30 pride! nah nah jk good poem though
dumdumdumdumd-dududududududud-shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh nuts drums ok cool sonnet i liked the descriptive stuff like getting off your feet from the wind dude it would be so cool to fly -dude i think it would have been nuts if you did a sonnet about how you go crazy on the drums k cool sonnet i still think its cool
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